I’m talking of course about all Abrahamic religions; but I want to focus on Christianity. No other religion pushes the loving nature of its god as much as Christianity. Apparently Jesus loves everybody, except homosexuals, idol worshipers and many more…too many to count. Apparently hell is going to be a very busy place.

Recent events in US politics have brought this issue up again. I just can’t seem to get around the circular argument that many Christians make: God loves you…but hates you because you’re a guy… and you like other guys. Why does God care about your sex life? Seriously: Is loving somebody of the same sex something to really hate? If I were god, I’d put people’s sexual stuff pretty far off my radar. It wasn’t so long ago that God didn’t like doggy-style! It was missionary position, or you’re going to hell. Again, why does God care about how you have sex?

Tangent…If I were God, I’d try to fix hunger first. Too many kids die every year from hunger and malnutrition. I wouldn’t give a shit about whether you do it with another guy, or girl, or a donkey for that matter.

End tangent.

God seems to really care about sex. No wonder people assume he’s a guy! That’s why I firmly believe that Christianity, in particular, was manipulated by Monks to make the rest of us feel guilty for wanting to have sex. The reason being this: Monks were the photocopiers of the past. They copied Biblical text. Is it too hard to believe that there were some editorial changes made?

Plus, monks loved the alcohol!!! Perhaps one drunken evening…

People often ask me why I’m so anti-religion. My replies over the months and years have fermented into this: god loves slaves. In fact, god loves slavery so much, in his last book (according to Muslims), he gave specific instructions on how to treat slaves. Never mind that he never mentions that slavery is bad. People can side-step and dance around other topics in these “holy” books all they want, but there’s one thing that they cannot escape. The clear absence of any passage remotely condemning slavery is significant.

If you’re an ex-Muslim or ex-Christian that’s trying to bone-up on their debating tactics against the believers, practice saying this: “God loves slavery”. I challenge any person to find a passage in the Bible or the Quran that openly condemns slavery and states that slaves should be set free. No fuzzy, gray innuendos; I want god to say straight-up: “Let your slaves go. I don’t like slavery.”

I’ve been crawling all over the internet in search of my species: the Pakistani atheist. So far, I’ve only run into a handful. With the Internet, there is a newfound freedom that journalists and citizens can now enjoy. The anonymity the Internet provides is important; it should free us all to write what we think secretly, without fear.

So, I’m begging you: pretty please – with sugar on top – stop being silent. I know that if you’ve left Islam, you’re probably not going to be “sold” on another religion. Take up a pseudonym and start writing. After all, do you think my real name is Nimbu?

After many months of doing this, I’m sad to see that it’s only me and a few others that are speaking out.

Living in the US, pigs are everywhere! They’re in my Twinkies, french fries, burgers, breakfast foods – they’re everywhere! Why does God hate pigs? I don’t get it. If he’s God, why didn’t he make pigs just a little bit cleaner, so that I could enjoy wonderful, tasty bacon? Mmmm, bacon.

So I’m at a bar-b-q at my parents house over the 4th. Tradition – just like most other Americans. My mom likes to shop at halal grocery stores where they have special halal meats. What is halal? According to my dear friend Wiki (and the Quran):

“He hath only forbidden you dead meat, and blood, and the flesh of swine, and that on which any other name hath been invoked besides that of Allah. But if one is forced by necessity, without wilful disobedience, nor transgressing due limits – then is he guiltless. For Allah is Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful”[Qur'an 2:73]

Damnit. Why swine?

So back at the bar-b-q, mom brings out marinated “halal” chicken. I slap it down on the grill. After a couple of minutes, blood starts to ooze from the meat. Disgusting! I tell my mom that this is horrible – haram food doesn’t do this! We got into a lengthy discussion about how God didn’t know about organic and non-organic meats. He only tells us not to eat pig. Oh, he does teach us how to “sacrafice” food: allowing for the blood to completely drain from the body before cooking. Aparently, our “halal” butcher forgot about that part!

I asked her: What’s better? What they feed the chicken (antibiotics, steroids, pesticides, etc.), or how they kill that chicken? Would you rather have a “halal” chicken that’s loaded with sodium, nitrates, antibiotics, steroids and “god” know what else? What gives? Shouldn’t God have also prohibited antibiotics and steroids in the Quran? He probably didn’t know the future. Oh wait…

I hate the burka. I’m seeing unsettling pictures on TV where women are running around my former home of Pakistan wearing the burka in Islamabad. How sad. Pakistanis have worked so hard to rid themselves of this silly, religious leftover. I know personally that many (probably most) Pakistani women hate the burka.

On a slight tangent: I was discussing with my family how sharia law is insane – just like Old Testament laws are insane. Many of them instinctively jumped to the defense of old-school Islamic laws. Clearly, they hadn’t read a word of it. They’ve just been spoon-fed fluffy details by mullas. “Oh, you don’t have to read it, it’s way too complicated. Just believe that it’s God’s law.”

“Oh, ok. If you say so.” (I say with a sarcastic smirk)

It’s insane to punish people with death for something silly like adultery. Why does anybody care whether or not somebody has sex? What business is it of theirs? Is having sex with someone other than your partner worthy of a death punishment? Maybe your wife wants to kill you, but does the government actually have to kill you? Believe it or not, it is also Christian doctrine that promotes killing the adulterer. Even though, it’s understood that it’s really the women who commit adultery that are killed. The civilized world has moved away from such barbaric beliefs. In the west, it is not illegal to commit adultery; even though all of the “big” religions say that it is.

I’m still perplexed as to why God cares about people having sex? Anybody care to help me out here? Shouldn’t he be worrying about really big subjects, like AIDS, cancer, starvation, etc.?

Back to the burka: It’s becoming more and more apparent that Europe is going to swing towards Turkish law banning burkas. I don’t blame them. It’s not a symbol of Islamic identity – it’s a symbol of male-oriented religious oppression of half of God’s creatures. Fucking idiot mullas would have you believe that it’s to protect women from the nasty glares from men. So it’s the fucking men that are the problem, again! So, in order to protect my female friends from the dirty looks from men, they need to cover themselves from head-to-toe? How about I just kick their asses if the look at them funny? I’d love to do that. Oh, God, how I’d love to do that! Even better, how about we just keep our women locked up, away from everybody! Man this blog is making me soo mad.

I need a break.

Women’s rights (or lack thereof) is what drove me away from Islam in the first place. There are lots of women in my life: wife, mother, sisters, daughters, friends, daughters of friends, wives of friends (no pun intended). Increasingly I found Islam to simply hate women. Islam is not the only one religion that hates women; hatred of women exists in all 3 monotheistic faiths. Oh, many women of “god” will disagree with me, but I think they’ve just been brainwashed into thinking they’ve got it good. Even women of the west, find that Christianity doesn’t hate women. I disagree. Just because Christianity isn’t as backward as Islam doesn’t mean that it’s free of this problem.

I recently read a blog where a journalist was interviewing a Saudi woman who simply loved that fact that she wasn’t allowed to drive, vote, or be seen in public without a brother/husband/father. I believe the quote goes something like this: “Why do I need to vote, when my husband represents me?” What a magical and fascinating work of nation-wide brainwashing! Let’s break away from the holy-land for a minute: you can see Muslim women all over the world either defending backward ideals, or showing indifference. It’s the vast majority of women in Islam that simply ignore these things that makes it worse. It is the rest of the modern world that has enabled Muslim women to break free of their veils; I find it shameful that more women, and even more men don’t stand up for what is right. Let’s stop being “tolerant” of these backward notions.

Just remember this one rule: Just because it’s traditional, doesn’t make it right. After all, it was traditional for Hindu widows to throw themselves onto the fire at their husband’s funerals.

I was talking with some Catholic friends regarding the Church’s reversal on the limbo – you know, that place where unbaptized babies are sent when they die. Now, I’ve been a big critic of the Catholic church, specifically regarding important social issues such as birth control, homosexuality, women’s rights, and more. I never thought that the church would ever change their stance on any topic, clinging to the “slippery slope” theory, i.e. if you change one thing, then everything might change.

The Catholic church’s stance is that “it never was church doctrine”! What the fuck! You mean to tell me that hundreds of years of fear-mongering were useless? Millions of new parents all over the world (perhaps billions) worried about having their kids baptized in time for fear that they may wind up in limbo. A claim that limbo never existed comes a day late and a dollar short for all those people.

I wonder how much pain and suffering this non-existent doctrine has caused the poor parents of still-born children, or of children that died before their baptism?

Now that’s the cynic in me talking.

If you look at the glass half-full, you see that the Catholic church can change; even if it is by lying about what it preached in the past. The church has done a great job in convincing its followers that limbo never existed. I hope the church can also have enough balls to come out of the closet and start loving their gay priests and let their people wear condoms!

Now I know he did a lot of good with his church; but I will miss the gay bashing. I will miss the fiery spirit that he brought to religious fundamentalism. As an ex-Muslim, I was glad to see that even righteous Christians can be duped by what Hitchens calls a “charlatan” . Just like stupid kids can be brainwashed into thinking that by blowing yourself up you’ll get virgins in the afterlife, Christians likewise were convinced that if gays were to marry, God will destroy New Orleans. Which he did!

First it was Ted Haggard (still alive), now Jerry, who’s left? Only one man can fill the shoes of these two: It’s Pat Robertson. Thank God he’s still alive. I remember fondly when Jerry blamed the 9/11 attacks on the ACLU, gays and women. Aaah, those were the days. I remember when both Jerry and Pat got together on the subject of AIDS and how it was God’s punishment for homosexuality. Now, all that’s left is one: my friend Pat.

God bless you Pat. You keep doing what you do best!

Once you’ve identified certain texts for which there is flimsy or inadequate defense, now it’s time to ask your friends of the same religion. If you’re Muslim, ask other Muslims the difficult questions like: why is it that I’m allowed to marry up to 4 women, but my wife won’t let me? How come she’s not allowed to marry up to 4 men? Or how about this one: Why is my son going to get more in his inheritance than my daughter? Why are there dress codes for women, but none for men? Women have specific requirements, while men have vague references like “dress modestly”! Modest for one man is not modest for another.

If you’re a Christian, ask other Christians this question: Why are parents allowed to punish their disobedient, drunk sons with death? How about this: Both Mother Teresa and Gandhi worked for peace in India; why is it that Mother Teresa will get into Christian heaven, but Gandhi won’t? Why didn’t Jesus write anything himself? Why did it take over 40 years for anybody to jot something down about Christ? Was he of such little interest that for over 4 decades people just told stories about him without ever writing anything down? What kind of stuff did they leave out during the first Council of Nicea? Clearly they didn’t accept everything; otherwise, there would be no need for a council.

Ask other Muslims: Why didn’t Muhammad write anything down himself? (Common answer is: “He was illiterate, that’s why the Quran must be by god.”) If he was illiterate, why then would god pick an illiterate man to pass his message to? Wouldn’t it make more sense to pick someone who could write the message down? Why didn’t Muhammad manage the recitations himself? Who was responsible for writing things down? Why wasn’t the Quran assembled while he was still alive? Why did Islam fragment virtually the day the prophet died? Why did he marry a 9 year old girl?

If you’re a non-Catholic: Why don’t you believe in the Catholic church – it existed before any Protestant denomination? Why not Greek Orthodox? With virtually hundreds of different man-made versions of the Bible, which one do you believe and why? Which makes one better than the other? Why do they all contain the insane story of Noah? Is it a literal story, or a fictitious story about “starting over”?

If your either Muslim or Christian ask this most important question: Why didn’t god, Muhammad, Moses, Christ, Noah, etc. speak out against slavery? Why was slavery allowed to flourish for thousands of years under religious rule? There is no mention of abolishing slavery – only mention of how to treat your slaves. By not condemning slavery and by giving instructions on how to treat them, these religions allowed the willful theft of men, women and children into forced slave-labor.

You don’t have to come up with an answer for all of these questions, at this stage simply observe your friends and remember their answers. Come home and write them down on an anonymous blog. That’s what I did.

Step 1. All holy books were written by men!

Clearly, a god of Abrahamic proportions couldn’t write these books. Step one is to find something in these books that is clearly against logic. The problem with these “men” is that they were just humans trying to be the ghost writer for god. You can clearly see un-godly writing habits throughout these books. It’s like if a teenager tried to forge a note from their mom. The more they include in the note, the higher likelihood that they’ll screw up somewhere.

Islam: Women are inferior to men. The Quran clearly defines rules for marriage and inheritance that couldn’t stand today. When these ghost writers pretend to be god, they wrote for their audience at that time – 7th century for Islam. In those days, it was fine to have multiple wifes and slaves (that you could have sex with, because they belonged to you). Inheritance laws were also dictated in the Quran. Daughters received only a fraction of what the sons received.

Islam: There are special rules for Muhammad’s wives. Now, this is an interesting one because it seems benign. But remember, god theoretically told Muhammad the Quranic verses for all humanity for all time. Why would god include verses that would only be applicable for the next 40 (give or take) years? Once the last wife of Muhammad died, these verses would be utterly useless. Remember, the Quran is not a history book, god wouldn’t dictate something that would only work for the next 40 years. The rules regarding Muhammad’s wives is completely useless information. Relevant to historians, but god wouldn’t make you write it down for all of history!

Christianity: God says that it’s OK to kill your son because he doesn’t listen and because he drinks. It’s clearly wrong to kill your son because he’s a disobedient drunkard. In fact, if you tried to do that in any country, you’d likely end up in jail.

Christianity and Islam: In both cases, god likes to kill off entire races of people because they’re not like you. In fact, god kills off millions of humans and trillions of animals during Noah’s time. That’s just silly.

So this first step helps you identify that these books “could” be wrong about something. And now, the entire book is up for critical analysis. Which parts were authored by god and which were authored by man? Ultimately, Christians and Muslims end up only believing in bits and pieces of their holy books.

For example: Tens (perhaps hundreds) of Millions of Muslims drink – even though it’s forbidden in the Quran. They will pray, do Haj and everything else they’re supposed to do as Muslims, but they’ve selectively ignored this one piece.

Christians no longer stone adulterers and drunk, disobedient sons – even though Deuteronomy tells us to do just that. Tens of millions of Catholics use condoms, masturbate and engage in premarital sex, when their church is clearly against it.

It’s called cherry-picking.